tinuvielchild: (faulty ballerina)
[personal profile] tinuvielchild
Names - again, again, always. I think about names and their power all the time, and somewhat more than half of that is the dissonance of hearing myself referred to by the Wrong Name.

Names have the power of description, of definition, of illuminating outlines. Of describing people, defining lives, illuminating the outlines of personality. Used purposefully, they are agents of change, molding you into a new shape.

In the years since I left my abusive ex, I have shifted and metamorphosed. I've lost my connection to the form of my name that I used while I was with him, and I have not used it comfortably in years. There are exceptions to this, but if I don't tell you you're exempt, please do not call me Liz.

Do I really have to say that it's triggering, for you to stop?

(It's not, not in any real sense, but it does jar me out of myself and throw me off balance. If you know that and continue to use it anyway, you are an asshole and I do not want you in my life.)

(Some of you aren't assholes, you just thought because you've known me so long, it was ok. I forgive you and still want you around. Please don't call me Liz.1)

The exceptions to this rule are those who feel the shape of me without a Name. Most of them have called me so many things over the years that were further derivative of my name, in so many different directions, that it doesn't matter what combination of sounds they use to refer to me. They know who I am, they understand my boundaries, and they have never tried to shape or control me.

My name is not Liz, and you do not have permission to call me that. My name is Elizabeth (or Eliška, or any of a number of affectionate endearments).2 Please don't try to shape me into someone I'm not anymore.


Eliška


1: I know some of you aren't comfortable with this shift. You don't have to call me by name; I won't be offended if you just use pronouns or "my friend" or some other workaround! It's not the shortening of my name that I mind, it's this specific form.

2: I reserve the right to continue to change this in the future. Names are fucking powerful and important and hard to shift, and they need to reflect who you are. If I find that I'm not Elizabeth-or-Eliška-or-endearments anymore, I refuse to be stuck in my past decisions.

Date: 2014-12-14 07:44 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] paper-tzipporah.livejournal.com
This is an excellent post, and I think you are super great and incredibly strong. BTW, you're still in my phone as "Lizzie", which I will absolutely change to whatever you want, just let me know!

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Eliska

December 2014

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